Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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