So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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