Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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