HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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