Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
