Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
