For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
