He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
