You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
