I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
