Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My penis needs a shock collar
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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