I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
