we have pet lesbian snakes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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