EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
