the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
