my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
