At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
