some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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