I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize