Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
