I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
