i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
