I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
