I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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