I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
