Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
