Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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