I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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