and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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