dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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