Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
