dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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