Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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