He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
