come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
