I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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