Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
