I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
