Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
