You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
