I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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