i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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