good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
