Nicole vs. Life
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You did what with his pubic hair?
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