Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
