He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
