Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
