Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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