I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
