I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you made out with another girl for some wings
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
