Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Alive.
So much puke
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
