Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
