Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
