now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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