I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why do cheetos always look like penises
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
