Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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