he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
