took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
