yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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