We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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