the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
