dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
