Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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