I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
