I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
