that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
