FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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