i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
