i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
No subtext here. People are naked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
