New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
