I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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